Korea vs The West: Parent-Child Relationships

culture family korea vs west Nov 13, 2022

My name is Sophie and I'm an Australia-living, New-Zealand bred, Korean-blooded Army.

I was born in Seoul, South Korea, moved to Auckland as a wee 1-year-old where I spent my childhood and then moved to Sydney at 15 years old where I have been ever since (14 years, so that makes me 21?).

Although I have lived my entire life in a Western country, I never lost touch with my Korean heritage.

I speak Korean completely fluently and live surrounded by Korean cultures and traditions.

 

I am grateful to have had the full exposure to both languages and cultures so this is a blog series to highlight those many differences and share my personal perspective with the rest of the world (or whoever is willing to listen).

 

Disclaimer - The key word here is PERSONAL. Everyone has different experiences of course, so if any Karens are reading this, please calm down.

 

Part 1 - Children-parent relationships

 

Now bearing in mind that I've only ever had Korean parents before for obvious reasons, this comparison is going to be slightly one-sided.

As a Korean-parented-child in a Western country however, it was not difficult to see the contrasting dynamics.

 

The 'role' of a parent

 

In many Korean families, the 'role' of a parent is often wholly focused on raising successful children.

But parents of any culture, want their kids to succeed, right?

The difference I see, is in the definition of 'success' across cultures.

In Korea, put simply, it refers to leading the 'ideal life' which looks something like:

  1. Doing academically well in school
  2. Going to a good university
  3. Getting a job in a well-established company
  4. Marrying a suitable partner
  5. Having children

 

It's not uncommon to see that a household will often revolve around the needs of the children and setting them up for a good education process which starts at a very young age like kindergarten but that's a topic for another day.

This also seems to be a big part of the reason why stay-at-home-mothers are more common in Korean families. Unlike in many Western countries where a mother might have a 12-month maternity leave and then go back work to pursue their careers - in Korea, it's considered more ideal that the mother commits herself to ensuring the kids are well-looked after.

And I'm sure this would also influence how few females there are in high executive-level positions (again, that's a whole other rabbit hole to be explored another day).

Which will put some pressure on dad too, to be financial stable enough to provide for the whole family.

Because parents are so entirely committed and sacrificed into their children, there is heightened sense of control and influence too, that you might not see in a Western family.

It's not uncommon to hear about the conflict between what you want to do, versus what your parents want you to do. Whether it's about your study regime, your career pathway and even relationship choices in some cases.

 

Adult children.

 

The influence of parents continues to be a big part of your life into adult age.

 

Even when the child grows up and is of age, it's common they will still be living with mum and dad right up until marriage - situation permitting of course.

It's not strange or frowned-upon to see a fully grown 20 or even 30 something-year-old male to be living with his parents - something that would not be ideal from a western perspective.

This can be due to financial reasons as most Koreans won't have their first 'proper' job until after graduating university or even a few years after that.

Up until this point in their lives, they've been focused on studying not earning money.

 

Because of this life-long relationship between parents and child, when one gets married, that spouse is then brought under the same umbrella.

A common Korean expression goes "Marriage is between two families" - an insight into how much influence parents have, even over married children. So getting along with your in-laws is super important! It won't be any secret for many Koreans that your parents-in-law are not your favourite people in the world…!

Especially if you're a female, your mother-in-law can have a big say in your life as to how to run the family like cooking, raising children, looking after your husband.

 

Summary

 

Overall, Korea is still quite a conservative country, following traditions that may be considered as outdated by the Western world.

In saying that, things do seem to be changing and becoming more 'Western-minded' as the generations pass.

 

Have you seen this parent-child relationship play out in K-dramas? What did you think?

What other differences have you seen? Let me know in the comments below!

 
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